Lindy Thompson

What would happen
if I stayed in the present moment?
What would happen
if I didn’t allow my mind to play out scenarios?
What would happen
if I turned off the inner show completely,
watched nothing,
and just lived, moment by moment,
from the heart . . .

from the depths of the heart,
where God dwells.

What would that look like?

What does your mind do,
while your hands are busy with various occupations,
various necessities?

I know what mine does.
Mine puts on a show.
Mine plays innumerable short films,
some from the past,
some from the future.

The director’s identity is anonymous,
but his favorite phrase is What If.

As a scene from the past is playing,
the director suggests,
what if this had happened?
What if you had said this?
What if you had made a different choice right there?
Then, from each of those scenes,
more scenes and variations are pulled out,
and we are there all day,
doing important work,
ignoring the present as we busily sift through
the infinite possibilities
of potential outcomes
of events that never actually occurred.

The future films are popular, too.
There are so many to choose from,
so many characters who might play a role,
so many ways each might behave,
so many scenarios that might play out.

We need more time!
This is important work,
mulling over things that do not yet exist,
dealing future-telling cards out,
looking at what’s in my hand,
rejecting it,
regathering, shuffling,
dealing out again.

Don’t bother me,
I’m busy.
I need to watch these films
from the past and the future,
seeing if this time I can change the unchangeable,
control the uncontrollable.
The director has called me in,
and we are going to be working all night,
so don’t bother me,
I’m busy.

What would happen if . . .

I unplugged the projector,
closed the theater,
nailed a board over the door,
and left?

If the films are no longer playing in my head,
does it mean
that I will be all alone in here?

Or,
does it mean
I will finally notice,
seated next to me,
God,
gazing at my face,
waiting patiently for me to wake up,
stop watching,
and live?